It's just a matter of time until we're all found out

There are roses in bloom everywhere when I am out running. The rose scented air--it makes me want to stop. It makes me want to sit down beside them and inhale the sweet perfumed scent until I've had my fill. I think there are some things you cannot get enough of and I think the scent of roses is one of them.

~~~~~~~

My son will soon be coming home for the summer. Every time I speak to him, he tells me that he misses home and can't wait to get back to us. I try not to think about all the ways in which life changes for me and all the ways in which life stays the same. I try not to think about the chaos that will inevitably reign supreme here once everyone is home again. I tell myself that I am home to someone. I tell myself that I am someone's home.

~~~~~~~~

I used to live by the ocean and miss it every day. I want to sit in front of the ocean again and listen to the waves crash one after another forever. I want to dig my feet into the cool, white sand that feels like a kiss. I want to search for shells. I feel like I belong there. I never feel like I belong anywhere.

~~~~~~~~

There's a courthouse in the center of town that holds weddings on the weekends. Each time I pass by, I am tempted to shout out to the couple that happily ever after is a lie. No one tells the truth about marriage, or maybe it's that when love is so new, the truth of love being lost, or love becoming less intense, or love simply dying cannot be imagined. You must live it to learn it, and so I keep my mouth shut and drive silently by. Who am I to begrudge them one blissfully ignorant day where love is the answer to everything?

~~~~~~~

I have secrets about me that I have never told anyone. I think my secrets say more about me than the things I'm willing to share.

~~~~~~~

I like the icing better than the cake.

Scandalous.

Ok, we received a certified letter from our homeowners association because we....GET READY FOR THIS ONE...have screens in the front windows of our house and it's a violation of the covenants. If we don't take them down they will start fining us. LMFAO.

You should see our house. It's immaculate. There's nothing out of place, the yard is impeccably groomed, it's been freshly painted, our shrubs are beautiful. Our driveway is without grease stains of any sort. The cars we have in the driveway are all brand new so we don't look like a used car lot. The trim has been freshly painted. Our windows are spotless from my husband washing them (he loves washing windows, don't ask me why). We don't have mold growing on the side of our house from moisture like a number of homes in this subdivision. We have real flowers in a pot in the front of the house. In other words, our home is what other homes should aspire to look like. I'm not being conceited, just honest. We pride ourselves in having a nice, clean home inside and out.

I walk the neighborhood daily and here are some of the things I see that are REAL eyesores: Cars in driveways jacked up for weeks on end that I suppose are being worked on. Mold and mildew on the siding of homes that look like someone has thrown dirt all over the house. Lawns that haven't been mowed in MONTHS. Excess yard ornaments like gnomes, penguins in lounges and whatnot that, in my humble opinion, are ridiculous and if you insist on that type of thing than ONE is more than enough because five gnomes and brightly colored mushrooms and ceramic angels up the wazoo are just too much. Fake flowers in flower pots (a major no-no in my book). Four junker cars squished into the driveway. Four sets of chimes clanking away on the front porch (one is plenty). Shutters missing from windows for months and months. Stones instead of mulch which I hate unless you live in Florida. Couches on the front porch (real couches, not outdoor furniture). Satellite dishes on the front of the house that look completely tacky.

I could go on but I'll stop because I'm sure you see my point which is that the homeowners association has enough REAL violations to contend with without busting our chops for SCREENS on the front windows of our house. This is the type of insanity that makes me want to climb out on the top of the roof and shout obscenities until I lose my voice because the world really is fucking nuts.

I don't know of anyone who wants to open a window without a screen in it because BUGS COME INTO THE HOUSE THAT WAY. I really do not understand the problem with screens. There are about two months out of the year that we can actually open our windows and these fools want me to give that up because apparently screens are ugly and against the rules.

So there you have it. We're big, bad rule breakers for having screens in the front windows of our house and it's so offensive that they spent the time, energy and money sending us a certified letter telling us to remove them immediately OR ELSE.

All I can think to say is BITE ME, BITE ME, BITE ME...while I remove the screens because I don't want to be fined $25/day just because I want a little fresh air in the house.

How ridiculously selfish of me.

Taking the long way home

"My life is my message." - Mahatma Ghandi


My husband wanted to go for a ride today again, so I set up a few rules for our "little drive up the road." The rules were as follows:

1.) No turning the heat to 85 degrees inside the car when it is a delightfully beautiful day like today (mid 60's). My husband is always saying he's cold and I'll be sitting in the car with the vents blowing that hot air in my face and that's supposed to be enjoyable? I don't think so. He promised to abide by this rule since it makes perfect sense however I ended up turning the temperature down no less than 5 times during our ride. It's a habit that will be hard to break, I think.

2.) No NHL Home Ice on XM radio and no 60's music for longer than 10 minutes because he won't compromise on the music with me and will yell at me for liking music made in this decade. I told him that if he broke this rule, then I'd put my IPOD in my ears and ignore him. I didn't have to do this until we were on the way home (we started off at noon time and never got home until 7:30 PM.) I know.

3.) No talking about bills. This is one of his favorite topics. No matter how many times I tell him all the bills are paid (because we sit and pay them TOGETHER, mind you), he continues to ask me if they're all paid. He slipped up once which was pretty good for him considering on a bad day he'll ask me hourly (and surprisingly, the answer never changes!) I know!

Anyway, those were the basics because I didn't want to completely lose my sanity during an afternoon drive. We're scouting out land in the mountains to build a house in another year or so. Up until just recently I have fought going anywhere that felt too isolated and peaceful. I like being where the action and noise is. I like accessible shopping. But this place we've found feels a little like heaven and when I stand outside and look around I think that I could be happy there. It's the kind of place where I will be forced to be alone with my thoughts and deal with them head on instead of pushing them away until another day and I think that might be good for me. I hate moving with a passion but my husband loves moving especially if there is money is to be made. We are so totally opposite of one another it's not funny.

We had a great afternoon except for me getting a little car sick when we were whipping up and down roads in a neighborhood nestled deep in the mountains. I had to ask him to stop at a Rite Aid to get a package of Rolaids to settle my stomach. I hate being caught without Rolaids because you never know when you might need them.

I think I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving even though I didn't realize it's next week. I guess that means I need to get a turkey. It's just me, my husband and two of my kids because everyone else lives out of state. I cook all day then we sit down and in approximately 7 minutes everyone is finished and they up leave me with the mess.

I can hardly wait.

All day Saturday

"Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling." - Margaret B. Runbeck

My husband and I left for a "little drive up the road" at 11:00 AM this morning and didn't return until 7:30 PM this evening. It was an absolutely beautiful day. The leaves are just beginning to turn in the mountains up here and there was an Oktoberfest happening in one of the little towns. Everyone was drinking up a storm and seemed not to have a care in the world. We did some shopping, but mostly we drove around places we had never been before. My husband loves doing stuff like this and I have to be in the mood to go along because I know what I'm in for when I agree to go on a "little drive up the road." I take along whatever book I am reading at the moment, a magazine or two, and my IPOD for good measure because he likes the oldies and talk radio and I don't.

We went out to dinner and collected "homes for sale" books from all the places we passed through because he's always on the lookout for a new home even though I keep telling him I want to find a home where I know I will live forever. He's like a traveling gypsy and I am like a thousand year old tree whose roots dig so deep into the earth that you will never be able to move me. I keep going along with the moves because they have served us well financially, however that does not stop me from wanting to find one place where I can stay till the end of time.

We discussed my upcoming birthday and what I wanted. I gave him a few ideas and then he suggested that maybe he would get me a new vacuum so that we could give our old vacuum to our middle child for his apartment. I don't think so. I put the kibosh on that clearly-not-in-my-best-interest-present by telling him that vacuums are never presents and what is wrong with him for even suggesting something like that?

We're now watching the Red Sox and wishing them well.