The road outside my house is paved with good intentions

My commitment to peace lasted less than 24 hours.

Yesterday started off with a nice little yelling match with my son that could not be avoided. Then I went into my daughter's room and it was a pigsty so I left her a passive aggressive note on the door that said she needed to clean up her room or move out (actually, there's nothing passive about that note so let's just call it aggressive).

Then I'm at the grocery store and there is one line that is feeding into 4 self checkouts and I am next in line and this woman decides she's going to create a NEW LINE beside me because she sees that the checkout on the right was moving fast so she thought she'd sneak in there and instead of ignoring her since she only had a couple of things I told her that there was ONE LINE and it was behind me and then I moved my cart to cut her off. She did get behind me, though. I mean, it would be one thing if she asked me nicely if she could go before me but this sense of entitlement that certain people have is pissing me off big time.

Last but not least, my doorbell rings and I always check to see who it is first through these little side blinds and as I'm peeking out, the guy outside is peeking in (hate that!!) so I open the door and he tries to sell me pest control. I told him I wasn't interested and he asked me how I knew I wasn't interested and I'm just telling you that door to door salesmen need to back the fuck off me with their smartass remarks. I asked him if he knew how to read and he said yes so I told him to take a stroll back to the front of the neighborhood and take notice of the NO SOLICTING sign, then I slammed the door and locked it behind me.

So, yeah, this serenity thing is working out well.

Moving on...Coming to my blog and seeing comments is so delightfully surprising to me. I was worried that the whole thing would be a drag but so far it's such a positive and I love positives. I'm very appreciative of those who've stopped by.

The weather is starting to clear so I'm off for a run. It's my way of getting high without doing anything illegal.

Why I Run

I was going to write about regrets today but I've decided against it. Maybe another day.

What I want to write about is how the hills in the neighborhood where I run are huge and daunting. Going down feels like I am flying. Sometimes when I run I have the same song on replay on my IPOD for the entire 45 minutes to an hour I am out there. It's a quirk of mine that I need to feel inspired and sometimes just one song does it for me.

When I am around mile 3 and I am down at the bottom of the very last hill that I will have to go back up, I always take a quick peek to the top and think I can't possibly get up there again. There's just no way. I don't have the energy or the desire. Sometimes I pray that someone I know will drive by and offer to give me a lift home and I know that if they did, I would hop in their car in a heartbeat. As I am thinking these things, I continue to pound the pavement beneath me and before I know it, I am at the top and there's a moment when I turn back around to see how far I've come and I think how proud and happy I am that I did what I thought I could not do.

When I am out there exercising, it feels a little like I am shedding something I need to get rid of while at the same time I am gaining something very important that I cannot get anywhere else. I think I shed my fears for a while and I think I find serenity. I am running towards serenity.