Friday, December 18, 2009

the lies she tells me

She lies about everything. Stupid lies. Insulting lies that make me want to suggest she work harder at coming up with something more believable when she cannot find the words to speak the truth. I ask her if she even cares about us because I think that she can't possibly care about people she lies to all the time so easily, with not so much as an inkling of guilt. And she replies, "that's an awful thing to say," turning the discussion away from her, pointing an accusatory finger back at me which is another thing she does to avoid answering questions honestly.

I want to take responsibility for the part I feel I must play in this, the part that makes her feel unsafe in telling the truth, even about the little things. I wonder where I went wrong, where I failed on my end. I think about this every time she lies and since she lies so much I'm thinking about it all the time. I've tried reacting with anger, compassion, and unconditional love but nothing ever changes--the lies just keep spilling and spilling out of her mouth and into the spaces of air that appear empty between us.

She lies about everything and I do not know what to do about it except not believe anything she says.

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