Paint a heart repeating, beating, "Don't give up, don't give up..."~The Weepies
Friday, September 5, 2008
A grateful heart
"Thou hast given so much to me, Give one thing more, - a grateful heart; Not thankful when it pleaseth me, As if Thy blessings had spare days, But such a heart whose pulse may be Thy praise."~George Herbert
I woke up and I lived another day, and everyone that I love lived right along with me in good health and happiness & sometimes I forget how wonderful that is, how lucky we all are, just to be here.
I am trying to start my days reminding myself to appreciate all the small things that sometimes feel so small that I end up wanting more because I think having more will lead to a happiness I feel I might be missing out on. I think if I can remind myself often enough, it will become a habit. I will wake up and I will live and I will think to myself, this is enough. I am positive that repetition is the key to pulling this off.
Something else I am trying to do is actively look for the good in people rather than jump to my own biased conclusions based on nothing but assumptions. I want to learn to look past the surface to see what's real because that's what I expect from others for myself. I don't know when I became the sort of person who sometimes lacks compassion for people I don't understand, but somewhere along the way, that's what I've become. I'm impatient and dismissive and I want to change that about myself.
I found this bag of photographs in my closet today stuffed behind one of those plastic tote containers. If there is one thing I did right while my children were growing up, it was take a lot of pictures of them. I haven't gotten around to putting them all in albums but there's a part of me that thinks that will be a great little pastime when I am old and am looking for something to lift my spirits and help me remember. Every picture tells a story and brings me back. There is no way my mind could ever remember it all and I'm so glad I took hundreds of photographs to help give my past back to me. I wish I felt safe enough here to share that part of my life with you but I don't (with pictures). Maybe I'll post a picture of myself some day if I get brave enough. I am scared to involve my children in something they haven't agreed to participate in, but you should know how hugely I am blessed.
My husband has been home most of the week and whenever that happens, I notice how unstructured my life becomes. Every single plan I have flies out the window in favor of goofing off with him and he encourages this because he's bad like that. I totally did not make my bed today, I ate Chinese food for lunch and insisted we stop at Dairy Queen on the way home under the guise of needing to use the restroom when in fact I just wanted one of those vanilla ice cream cones dipped in chocolate.
“The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it.” - James M. Barrie
"I have one small drop of knowing in my soul. Let it dissolve in your ocean."~Rumi
"When I grow up, I want to remember that I always wanted to be about a thousand different things & one lifetime didn't seem nearly enough. When I grow up, I hope it's at the very end when it doesn't matter anymore anyway."~Story People
"There is not one big cosmic meaning for all; there is only the meaning we each give to our life, an individual meaning, an individual plot, like an individual novel, a book for each person."~Anis Nin
"Writing it all down was purging. Putting those stories on paper took them out of the nightmare realm and made me almost love myself for being able to finally face them. More subtly, it gave me a way to love the people I wrote about– even the ones I had fought with or hated. … I was not the kind of person who could imagine asking for help or talking about my personal business. Nor was I fool enough to think that could be done without risking what little I’d gained. … I was writing for myself, trying to shape my life outside my terrors and helplessness, to make it visible and real in a tangible way, in the way other people’s lives seemed real…"~Dorothy Allison
"There are significant moments in everyone’s day that can make literature. That’s what you ought to write about." ~ Raymond Carver
"Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops... at all." ~Emily Dickinson
"Stare, pry, listen, eavesdrop. Die knowing something. You are not here long." --Walker Evans
"Nothing will sustain you more potently than the power to recognize in your humdrum routine, as perhaps it may be thought, the true poetry of life."-- Sir William Osler
"The great arises out of small things that are honored and cared for. Everyone's life really consists of small things. Greatness is a mental abstraction and a favorite fantasy of the ego. The paradox is that the foundation for greatness is honoring the small things of the present moment instead of pursuing the idea of greatness. The present moment is always small in the sense that it is always simple, but concealed within it lies the greatest power...Only when you align yourself with the present moment do you have access to that power."~Eckhart Tolle
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart) ~e.e. cummings
"If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad." ~Lord Byron
then the voice in my head said
WHETHER YOU LOVE WHAT YOU LOVE
OR LIVE IN DIVIDED CEASELESS REVOLT AGAINST IT
WHAT YOU LOVE IS YOUR FATE~Frank Bidart
"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."-fully alive ~ Dawna Markova
"I hope that my achievements in life shall be these - that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, and that I will have given help to those who were in need that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been." ~C. Hoppe
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The woods are lovely, dark and deep, But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep.~Robert Frost
"I used to wait for a sign, she said, before I did anything. Then one night I had a dream & an angel in black tights came to me & said, you can start any time now, & then I asked is this a sign? & the angel started laughing & I woke up. Now, I think the whole world is filled with signs, but if there's no laughter, I know they're not for me." ~B. Andreas
"This is a special container for keeping lies that you tell yourself & it doesn't let in any light or air otherwise they start to go bad & there's nothing else you can do but throw them out."~B. Andreas
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."~ a return to love - marianne williamson
“People who don't Think probably don't have Brains; rather, they have grey fluff that's blown into their heads by mistake.”~Winnie the Pooh
"I try to leave out the parts that people skip." ~Elmore Leonard