Scandalous.

Ok, we received a certified letter from our homeowners association because we....GET READY FOR THIS ONE...have screens in the front windows of our house and it's a violation of the covenants. If we don't take them down they will start fining us. LMFAO.

You should see our house. It's immaculate. There's nothing out of place, the yard is impeccably groomed, it's been freshly painted, our shrubs are beautiful. Our driveway is without grease stains of any sort. The cars we have in the driveway are all brand new so we don't look like a used car lot. The trim has been freshly painted. Our windows are spotless from my husband washing them (he loves washing windows, don't ask me why). We don't have mold growing on the side of our house from moisture like a number of homes in this subdivision. We have real flowers in a pot in the front of the house. In other words, our home is what other homes should aspire to look like. I'm not being conceited, just honest. We pride ourselves in having a nice, clean home inside and out.

I walk the neighborhood daily and here are some of the things I see that are REAL eyesores: Cars in driveways jacked up for weeks on end that I suppose are being worked on. Mold and mildew on the siding of homes that look like someone has thrown dirt all over the house. Lawns that haven't been mowed in MONTHS. Excess yard ornaments like gnomes, penguins in lounges and whatnot that, in my humble opinion, are ridiculous and if you insist on that type of thing than ONE is more than enough because five gnomes and brightly colored mushrooms and ceramic angels up the wazoo are just too much. Fake flowers in flower pots (a major no-no in my book). Four junker cars squished into the driveway. Four sets of chimes clanking away on the front porch (one is plenty). Shutters missing from windows for months and months. Stones instead of mulch which I hate unless you live in Florida. Couches on the front porch (real couches, not outdoor furniture). Satellite dishes on the front of the house that look completely tacky.

I could go on but I'll stop because I'm sure you see my point which is that the homeowners association has enough REAL violations to contend with without busting our chops for SCREENS on the front windows of our house. This is the type of insanity that makes me want to climb out on the top of the roof and shout obscenities until I lose my voice because the world really is fucking nuts.

I don't know of anyone who wants to open a window without a screen in it because BUGS COME INTO THE HOUSE THAT WAY. I really do not understand the problem with screens. There are about two months out of the year that we can actually open our windows and these fools want me to give that up because apparently screens are ugly and against the rules.

So there you have it. We're big, bad rule breakers for having screens in the front windows of our house and it's so offensive that they spent the time, energy and money sending us a certified letter telling us to remove them immediately OR ELSE.

All I can think to say is BITE ME, BITE ME, BITE ME...while I remove the screens because I don't want to be fined $25/day just because I want a little fresh air in the house.

How ridiculously selfish of me.