I'M ON MY DAUGHTER'S SIDE

I am happy minding my own business, and not ruffling anyone's feathers. If you leave me alone, I will leave you alone, but if you push me, then you had better watch out because once I get fired up about something, I am pretty ruthless. The reason for this is that I have learned that I cannot live with myself if I feel as though I should have spoken up for myself (or someone I love) and I don't. I need to clear the air and if it means that we part ways after I clear the air, then so be it--I take that as a sign that things weren't meant to be. I can pretty much count on two hands the number of people I really care about in this world. If you're not on those two hands and you cross me, I lose nothing if I lose you. That's just the way it is.

Now. Another parents behaving badly at a sporting event story starring the same leather faced, bleach blond food Nazi who appeared in the chicken tenders fiasco. The team lost today and came in second place in the region. That's all good and well and respectable and whatnot but as I've written before, my daughter doesn't take losses very well. So after the last line lost (and my daughter was still playing and on her way to winning), the majority of the team went over to the girl who lost and hugged her. Missing from the huggers were my daughter and her partner who were both sulking over at a table by themselves. In other words, they were dealing with the loss on there own terms in their own way. They were not hissing and booing or throwing daggers in the direction of the girl, they were talking quietly amongst themselves.

Apparently the girl who lost (a senior in high school) tells her mother that my daughter and her partner made her "feel bad" by not hugging her after she lost. This mother proceeds to go over to them (in front of the other teammates) and says, "Ya know, I understand that you're disappointed that the team lost and I'm really sorry Sandy (not her real name) couldn't pull through for you (very passive aggressive since my daughter never told her daughter that she needed to win for her) but it would have been nice if you had not made Sandy feel bad about losing by not hugging her."

Um. WTF?

So my daughter, who was taken aback by being verbally attacked by someone who had no business interfering said, "You're acting really mature." This sets blondie off and she starts screaming how my daughter has NO CLASS and is disrespectful!!!

Um. She was minding her own business and was attacked by an adult who should know better. She did this AFTER I had left and no other adults were around. When my daughter returned to the school on the bus and got into my car, she recounted this story to me. At first I was like..."OMG, you should have just walked away from her and not said anything and allowed me to deal with her later" but in the heat of the moment I can understand why she responded the way she did. I do not subscribe to the idea that teens need to be respectful of adults who are behaving poorly. Assholes do not get free passes to be assholes just because they are over the age of 30 (or 50 which is probably closer to her age).

I got home and immediately went on a hunt to find blondies phone number to "clear the air." She wasn't home so I left a message and when she called me back, I told her what my daughter told me then asked her if the information I was given was correct (it was, although she insisted that my daughter said something REALLY FOUL and when all was said and done, she confirmed what my daughter told me she said...that the woman was acting "really mature" herself.) OMFG. Let's give her the electric chair. Let's not mention that my daughter wouldn't have said a thing had she not been approached by HER first.

She insisted that my daughter and her partner made her daughter feel bad for losing and so I stopped her and asked her if anything was SAID to her daughter and she said no but that they didn't hug her like the rest of the girls. So I told her that my daughter was not responsible for how HER DAUGHTER was interpreting things and she was not responsible for how her daughter FELT either because my daughter was just minding her own business. Furthermore, I told her that my daughter processes losses differently from other people and I didn't appreciate her trying to dictate how my daughter should respond to the loss--that at the very least she will always know where she stands with my daughter because she isn't fake. She's not a bullshitter. She isn't nice to your face only to stab you in the back later. She skips the fake part and just stabs you up front. Which is worse?--you tell me. The world is filled with those who are fake and I find my daughter refreshing. Insisting that she fake hug her daughter to make the both of THEM feel better is ridiculous. That makes her daughter's feelings more important/valid/real than my daughter's and--sorry but that isn't flying with me.

She kept trying to justify her behavior and finally I told her that her actions were inappropriate because I would never presume to tell her daughter how to feel or what to do because IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS. I told her that if she felt that there was a problem, she should have either come to me or gone to the coach but that honestly, I have no problems with how my daughter reacted because it's part of who she is and I am not going to tell her to be something she is not to make HER feel better. I told her that it is not my daughter's job to make her daughter to feel better and that if it is then I need to see the application my daughter filled out and I want to see where my daughter agreed to any such thing because I'm pretty sure she isn't being paid to make other people feel better about losing. Case closed.

Jesus. I really cannot stand people. She told me she would apologize to my daughter the next time she sees her because she realizes it wasn't her place to do what she did but I could tell by the conversation that this woman is not one bit sorry that she verbally attacked these girls. I know that secretly she is happy that she embarrassed them in front of their peers for no other reason than that they were off by themselves and not joining the big hug-fest. She fully intended to shame them and try to silence them and negate their feelings. This is why I don't like most women--they are mean and do not support other women.

I have to believe that people like her are just miserable people who need to spread their misery around to make their lives more bearable. Because, really, what did she accomplish? Nothing. She needs to tend to her daughter's fragile feelings and I'll deal with my daughter THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

Newsflash: Sometimes it's better to keep your fucking mouth shut.