Saturday, May 10, 2008
A less than perfect love
I have the hardest time picking out cards for Mother's Day because it feels so phoney to me. I get so annoyed and frustrated sifting through cards that say things I would never say to my mother because we just don't have the friendly sort of relationship that seems to be the whole idea behind honoring your mother. She is not my best friend and she is not always there for me. I do not tell her everything. And though I have spent time wishing that things were different, I know that I will never change the manner in which she loves me, which is at a distance, with little emotion. So I stand there, and I pick up card after card, and think "I cannot send her this, I cannot send her that." And I wonder if I am the only one who has such a hard time doing something so simple. And I get a little jealous of all the people who can pick out any card and know that it's perfect just the way it is while I need to search for something that isn't too heartfelt or deep or loving because we don't say those types of things to one another. Just when I start feeling hopeless of ever finding anything suitable, I spot the perfect card with the perfect words, "Have a wonderful day." I sign it Love, K. What I do not say is this: my love for her is as big as this world.