Wednesday, May 7, 2008

You're the emptiness the whole world sings at night

We attended an end of the season banquet for my daughter's sports team last night. It was a really great evening, with lots of celebrating, pictures, awards, laughter and fun. After the dinner and the awards were handed out, one of the mom's did a tribute to one of the women who would no longer be helping out because her daughter is graduating this year. This woman has been helping out for years and so people were asked to speak about a memory they had of her during her reign of volunteering (aka controlling/organizing everything and acting the "martyr"). Well, after 7 people gave their little stories/tributes, I felt like the focus of the whole night shifted from the kids to this woman (I'll call her Beth Ford for purposes of this post).

A good half hour to forty five minutes was spent recounting this woman's good deeds while the kids were all fidgeting and wondering what the hell happened to their banquet. Then they presented her with an expensive gift from the boosters club (which parents basically fund and which Beth is a part of) and that was when I felt like enough was enough. It was officially BETH FORD NIGHT and not a high school sports banquet anymore. She stood up front thanking everyone, making speeches like she'd won an Oscar, and crying like a death had occurred. Honestly, the whole thing was quite a spectacle. If that was me, I would have said, "Thanks, let's get the focus back where it belongs...on the kids." But she was soaking up her moment in the sun and loving every minute of it. I wanted to scream, "GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY!!"

What is the deal with people who have to be the center of attention at all times (especially adults)? I think they start that way as children and never grow out of it. They volunteer to head all sorts of committees just so that they have control over everything and then they love to shove it down your throat that they do all the work...when they are the ones who volunteered in the first place! Ugh. It's so annoying. They need other people telling them how wonderful they are, how giving, how hard working. If your sense of self has to come from outside sources all the time, I'd say you're doing something wrong, but that's just me.

School is almost over here. I am both happy and sad. Happy that all the rush is almost over for awhile, but sad that life is moving so fast. I try to stay in the moment, but the moments are flying by me and it's so difficult to hang onto moments that will not stay still no matter how hard I wish they would. I want to yell stop sometimes, but I know that's not possible.

I can hear the minutes ticking away on the clock that sits beside me on a shelf. I feel the beating of my heart in perfect time with it. Right here, right now, I guess this is me living.

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